Imaginary Boyfriends

D. tries to tell me that he doesn't have imaginary girlfriends but I find that nearly impossible to believe. (Remind me to tell you the adorable story of D.'s celebrity crush). My life? It's littered with imaginary boyfriends, past and present. Let's not talk about the old ones (coughNicholasCagecough).

These are my currents:

Tim Geithner is my White House Imaginary Boyfriend. He's had a rough past few weeks, though...Poor guy. Here, come to Mama. Let me make it all better...
Colin Firth WAS my Proper English Actor Imaginary Boyfriend until two days ago when he became my Oscar-nominated Imaginary Boyfriend.

So that means Jeremy Northam moves up and becomes my Proper English Actor Imaginary Boyfriend. Lucky man.

Did anyone see pictures of Jon Hamm with a beard? Yowza. He is my Too Good For Television Imaginary Boyfriend.

Eric Ripert is my Hot French Chef/Too Good For Television Imaginary Boyfriend. Have you ever heard this man talk? It's sinful...

Who are your imaginary boy/girlfriends?

Home Is Where The Snark Is

I want to protect my daughter's privacy and allow her teenage transgressions to happen in relative obscurity, but I will say that I do not feel comfortable leaving town if she is not with me, no matter what arrangements I have made for her care when I'm gone. So I sort of feel like I'm grounded, too. I wanted to visit friends in Little Rock this weekend because I never go to Little Rock just to have fun and not work. But I'll be at home. Where I've been since well before the holidays. Home, home, home. Good thing I love home.

But it's getting to me. So last night, after a glass or two of bubbly had gone straight to my head, I decided to have a party Saturday night. Relaxed and casual, but still - a party! I want to make party food and build a fire and clean the house and have people over.

Speaking of food, I know I've been totally neglecting the "Meals" section of this here blog. Why don't I pull out my good camera to document each step of the meal? Well...it's Winter. The light isn't good in the kitchen this time of year. But really? I just forget. Luckily I sometimes remember to snap photos with my phone. So here are some phone photos of recent meals:

You can't really tell what this is, but I bet you know it's Winter food. Bear grub. It's leftover shepherd's pie with a hearty mushroom sauce on top. Eaten while wearing wool socks and watching the snow fall. Nothing goes better with a can of champagne (ha!).
This was a breakfast I made myself over the snow holiday. It's corn tortillas filled with a slice of ham and some white cheddar topped with fried eggs, salsa, and arugula. YUMMY brunch at home food.
Stella requested Thai noodle soup last night so I cut a bunch of corners and made it quick and dirty (and delicious) using canned chicken broth, coconut milk, frozen shrimp, tofu, ginger, onions, red pepper, jalapenos, and garlic. Then I just assembled all the toppings - cellophane noodles, bean sprouts, cilantro, green onions, fresh jalapenos, and Sriracha sauce.
I can't wait to have leftovers tonight!

Oh looky here. This isn't a meal. But he's so little and skinny you could probably wrap a hot dog bun around him. Trouble maker!

All For You

I went on a 30 minute walk earlier and took some photos - for you, dear readers. Just kidding. For me too. I love taking photos in the snow. I love walking in the snow. The cold doesn't really bother me if I'm moving. Plus snow is so far superior to ice that I'm sort of wildly in love with it right now.


Little Rocket in diver pose! He's got the right idea...

Deep Breath

Okay, the power is holding for now. It continues to sleet though. But still! We have power! And warmth! It's NOT going to be as bad as last year's...it is not. Maybe I can now stop twitching and panicking from the remembered trauma of last year.

Lucy doesn't much care for walking on top of the ice.Looking up our street. If you remember last year's photos (also taken about 24 hours after the ice started), then you can clearly see that it's not as destructive. You can also see the stump of my neighbor's tree that split down the middle (beware the Bradford Pears, people - they may grow fast and look pretty but they are weak in constitution!).
Or as thick on the tree buds.


They're saying that this ice will transition to snow. It can't happen soon enough. Love the snow - HATE THE ICE!

It's Coming. It's Almost Here!

The ice storm that nearly destroyed me is coming back! The same exact week as last year's. If I lose power again for five and a half days I will kill myself. Or maybe my family first, so I can live off their bodies a la Alive. Yuck. Why did I go there? THIS IS WHAT THIS SINISTER FOREBODING DOES TO ME.

The only thing that's good about this is the evil satisfaction of knowing the D. will have to suffer along with us this year. Last year he was in Texas and missed the whole dang thing.

I hate ice!!!

You Make The Call

Rehab Clinic name or Lifetime movie title?

• Not Like Everyone Else
• Dare To Love
• Hope By The Sea
• Northern Lights
• Azure Acres
• Plantation General
• The Colony
• Personal Indiscretions
• Primary Purpose
• Sundown Ranch
• Stand Against Fear
• Seasons of the Heart
• Dare U To Care
• My Stepson, My Lover

(oh how I wish that last one were a rehab clinic....)

Let's Get This Going

I thought of this term some time ago but only recently have really started telling others and encouraging usage. How do you make a slang term popular anyway? I mean, without having to reread The Tipping Point?

This term is Palomino, used to describe the epidemic of people who are equally addicted to fake tans and hair bleach, leaving their skin an otherwordly orange and hair a neon yellow/white. They end up looking just like the horse. Am I right?

Queen of the Palominos
Princess of the Palominos
This is a herd of palominos (thanks Kelly!):

Sunday Night Shortz

So this commercial is pretty awesome:




I love the jackass who is eavesdropping on the girls at the party. I can just imagine the brainstorming session for this ad..."Let's see, we need to appeal to everyone: old people, creeps, voyeurs, unobservant moms, church goers, hunters, and those who aren't afraid to go out in public wearing a Bluetooth." Well done, ad agency that specializes in made for TV products!

...and speaking of creeps, how many more months left before it's way too creepy for me to love Michael Cera? What? I'm eight years past the limit? Damn it.

Slob la blah

I have spent the past nine hours cleaning my house. I'm not exaggerating. It's the kind of cleaning that I should do all the time, but really only manage it every three months or so. It's the kind of cleaning that I dread and dread but once I start I get into it, and then I get obsessed and become focused like a laser beam on DIRT and CLUTTER and DISORGANIZATION. I will not rest until every single corner of every single room is clean and orderly. It's a wonderful, terrifying feeling when it takes hold.

Because we have a fireplace and a dog and two cats (and a teenager...and two insanely busy adults), my biggest battle is with the constant layer of dusty crud that settles into everything. My second biggest battle is the clutter slippery slope. When I undergo one of these cleaning trances and get everything organized, it's easy to keep up for at least a few days...then a week goes by and some dishes get left out over night...then after a month the sooty dust has returned...and huge dog hair dust bunnies. Next thing I know I'm finding empty Hot Tamale boxes under my pillow when I wake up and am completely covered in dog hair like a balding Bigfoot.

Today, though....today was the day everything got wiped and scrubbed and put away and thrown away and organized. Praise the lord!

And even though it's almost midnight and I have to get up in six hours, I can't rest until it's all done, mattress pad washed and a fresh duvet.

PS - That's a huge Simple Pleasure - going to sleep in a clean room with clean, warm sheets and pillows.