Sunday, December 31, 2006

So Long, 2006, Don't Let The Door Hit You On The Way Out

I'm not near as graphically talented as my friend Lori, so you won't get a spiffy chart. Instead here's the rundown on an exhausting year:

January - My grandfather dies, with all of us surrounding him, holding his hands and feet or touching some part of his body. After such agonizing, drawn-out illnesses, it was a surprisingly quick passage. I'd say it was a good first experience with a close death, very humane and special.

February - Our beloved cat Simon dies, unexpectedly and horrifically. Stella found his cold body next door, most likely an accidental poisoning but we'll never know. In a month I felt sure was sprinkled with serendipitous fairy dust, Chicklet adopts us a week after Simon died and I also meet the man with whom I will carry out a deeply emotional yet ultimately doomed love affair.

March - My biological father dies. My sister and I find out weeks later. I'd been estranged from him for...well, just about all my life. I am still waiting to feel something about this. I turned 31 on the 31st.

April - July - Inner dialogue: "Holy shit, is this really happening to me? Did I really meet someone so perfect for me, so amazing? Are we really going to try to make this happen? We are? Okay, fuck...let's do this. Wow, it's everything and more I could have hoped for. Yes, of course there are obstacles....when are there not obstacles? I'm in love! It's a miracle! Oh but wait...maybe love can't conquer all....boy, am I a colossal idiot. NOTHING COULD EVER HURT AS BADLY AS I DO RIGHT NOW."

July - October - Inner dialogue: "I refuse to let go of this. I refuse to passively let my heart break. Surely there's something I can do! As much as I'd like to wallow in self-pity forever, some shit has got to change. Too bad I can't even find a good THERAPIST..why are partnerships of any kind so fucking difficult to make happen? Okay, okay...Plan B. I don't need no stinkin' therapist. I know what I need to do...I've always known what I needed to do. First things first, get out of my mother's...then...get out of this soul-sucking job." And you know what? Done and done. Sometimes the hardest part is just deciding to change.

November - Settled in to wonderful house, healing with an amazing sister/roommate/friend/fellow recovering broken heart. Thank the universe every day for my daughter. Feeling the changes on the horizon.

December - Estranged from my mother. New job. It's intoxicating - this surge of confidence, knowing that I can do this job well and thrive in it. And...I have a date for New Year's Eve. A date? A date I'm actually looking forward to? May wonders never cease. It's a fitting end.

Whew...I'm worn out.

3 comments:

Lori Mocha said...

I want date details!

Alannah said...

You'll just have to wait til tomorrow like everyone else...unless I send you drunken text messages tonight.

Lori Mocha said...

Please do. Bi-hourly updates.

I'm home sick and bored.

I like to ring in the new year with a hacking cough.