Tuesday, January 02, 2007

I Yuv You Yemes!

Every girl needs a James in her life. James is my straight gay boyfriend. He serves the function of a gay boyfriend (de facto date, tells me I look good, is always clean and smelling nice) but is straight (overly straight, perhaps, but that's a different story). Saturday we decided to go see a movie, but this being Arkansas, the pickins were depressingly slim. We agreed on The Good Shepherd.

WHAT A COLOSSAL WASTE OF 2.5+ HOURS.

I started to get pissed halfway through and I could tell it wasn't anywhere close to being over but I didn't drive and I was held hostage by the tropes of lame & obvious symbolism and too damn many long close-ups. I've committed to memory every single pore on Matt Damon's face. I actually laughed out loud at the Key Character Development Scene in which he burns a letter and the charred bits float through the air ever so delicately and waft down into the Trashcan of Symbolic Finality. I mean, COME ON. And don't get me started on...well, everything else. I won't even tell you about the Lone Wedding Dress of Dashed Hopes. Ugh. Just so many overwrought performances and one hell of a convoluted script, which wasn't at all necessary because this film really does have an interesting topic but Robert DeNiro somehow managed to drag it into the most boring film I've seen all year.

But the great thing about having a James in your life is that a horrific experience like The Good Shepherd doesn't have to make it a bad date or a bad night. Granted, it did take beers and jukebox songs at the pub followed by repeated viewings of The 40 Year Old Virgin AND The Big Lebowski plus three bottles of wine and a foot rub to undo the damage done by that bloated piece of crap people will be fooled into thinking is "a good film."

2 comments:

NAME: Dr. Kenneth Noisewater said...

I would need 3 bottles of wine too if I had to stomach too much Matt Damon. I have an irrational hatred for him. I don't try to understand it. I just go with it. H A T R E D.

5 of 9er said...

MATTDAMON.