Tuesday, January 23, 2007

He Did It Again

Cary Tennis put another lump in my throat this morning.

Read his response to a 39 year-old black woman who wrote to bemoan her singleness. This passage is the one that got me:
So what about your dark side? It is our dark selves for which we seek a home in a relationship. It may be that while men admire everything in you that is good, and find you attractive and would like to be with you, their dark side wants a home with someone who is -- not necessarily dumber than you -- but more openly flawed. Vulnerability might be another word for it, or visible hunger, a genuine, quiet, sad, compassionate hunger. Or even perversity -- not sexually, but perversity in the sense of being truly angry at God, of not taking it anymore, of feeling that you are genuinely fucked, of feeling the tragedy of your fate and accepting the tragedy of the fate of others. That's what many of us are looking for: We are looking for a home for the part of ourselves that is like the part of you that has been crying for two weeks. That is the dark part of you that we respond to. That is probably the part that you feel is least attractive, the part of you of which you are most ashamed. But that is what we long for: We long not for your brilliance, but your humanity.
Isn't that lovely? He's so much more than an advice columnist. He's a gifted writer who seems to understand humans better than we understand ourselves. I spend so much time thinking about The Big Issues (the -isms, global politics, the environment) so it's good to take the time to read a well-crafted, personal response to someone's individual dilemma. No matter the topic, I always find something in Cary's response that I can apply to myself. Now that's good writing.


5 of 9er said...

Better writing than that Dr. Phil.

Jimmy said...

Greetings. I found your blog through a technorati link on Cary's site. Strangely enough, I sent my friends the same excerpt.

StormySleep said...

Just like the commenter before me, I found your blog through technorati links about Cary Tennis. He is utterly amazing. And you have such a lovely blog!

Alannah said...

Thanks so much! Reading Cary Tennis is better than therapy; instead of just feeling better about myself, I feel better about all people in general. And god knows we need to feel better about people in general. I fight misanthropy every day of my life.