Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Dark, Rainy, Cold, Quiet, And Filled With Love

Today is the sort of day in which, if I were at work, I would be miserably thinking, "Today is the perfect day to spend in an unwashed, lazy marathon of fire-stoking, internet perusing, and sandwich making."

Well, since I'm not one to let myself down (every time I get the chance), and since this is the first day of my holiday break that I haven't had at least four or five obligations, that is exactly what I've done.

By the way - turkey, goat cheese, roasted red peppers, cucumbers and salad mix make a TERRIFIC sandwich.

I am a lazy, gluttonous, spoiled person.

But that's not what I came here to write. I came here to write about the reason that 2007 was the best year of my life.

I have never written or said those words before, "This was the best year of my life." I'm not that old but I'm not that young either, so it feels pretty amazing to write it out.

Coincidentally, today marks 365 days since I first set eyes on D.

There is still sadness in the world, in the past, and in my family. But I'm not consumed by it, as I might have been at one time. I remember an exercise a yoga teacher would have us do. When we were lying in corpse pose, she would say, "If a concern or worry or stressful thought comes to you, don't deny it or try to make it go away - address it, acknowledge its existence, and then let it go." It's a good tool for stopping the destructive cycle of negative thought. It's also nearly impossible to do when you've been stuck in that cycle, oh, most of your life. However, this is what I'm able to do, for the most part, most of the time now. It started very slowly but gained in momentum and confidence, this new way of living. Stupid clich├ęs like "one day at a time" become unavoidable when describing how one is able to do this. I never expected a path to mental health and clarity to feel so much like the path to physical health. Stupid, huh? Of course it should feel similar!

2007 was the year I felt stable. And I will never, ever take that for granted.

Thank you, D. for your patience, your quiet strength, your love, your friendship, and for my awesome Christmas present! I also sort of love the fact that our story begins with, "Well....I was in the bar the night after Christmas....."


Stephanie said...

Ah, yes, the Day After Christmas. This is the day I also finally remember to exhale. And possibly snore.

Congratulations on One Year since The Day You Met D!

Alannah said...

I feel so guilty that I still have your Sufjan Stevens Christmas CDs! Please don't be mad at me!

Can we see each other sometime again?

Anonymous said...

Congrats on day 365 to your wonderful D. It is well deserved.

Your yoga instructor has sage advice. I'm glad he/she was your instructor and not me.

He/she actually had some useful advice that you heeded and it worked. My advice is probably not that inspiring and definitely not that eloquent. For example, if I had you in the corpse position, I would probably say a little something like this: "When the stresses of life are heavy on your shoulders, just remember things could be much worse. You could REALLY be in the corpse position."

Ok, after reading that comment I thought to myself such things as 'not appropriate' and 'uncalled for'. I don't want you to think I was taking what you wrote lightly. I don't. But please delete my comment if it's offensive.

Alannah said...

Thanks, SRU!

My tendency is to be cynical and sarcastic, also....but I have to be careful because cynicism and sarcasm are evil cousins of depression and don't help one bit when you're stuck at the bottom of the nasty cycle.

One thing about battling the nasty feelings is that you have to overcome your fear of sounding like a hippy. So even though it might pain me to say things like, "Follow this advice my yoga teacher gave me." I know deep in my heart that it is true and healthy.

Oh...and while I'm sounding like a hippy, I love you!

Stephanie said...

I am glad that you had the cd set. I hope you enjoyed it :) And no worries at all - I have several of the tunes on iTunes so I could listen to them if I wanted to - if I wasn't listening to the Trans-Siberian Orchestra instead. HAHAHA! ;)

Seriously. I look forward to getting together sometime again. We'll have to think of some really good excuse now :)

Anonymous said...

Alannah, as long as you're not wearing your birkenstocks and handing me a bowl of granola while telling me about something your yoga instructor said, I won't worry. ;)

P.S. I love you, too hippie!

smoore said...

congratulations to you and D.! I'm so happy for you, Alannah. as someone who has also had to learn the hard way to take things 'one day at a time', I salute you! enjoy the new year ;-)...

AMY said...

I'm so glad you had a wonderful Christmas and a happy 2007. Who knows what wonders await in 2008??? (I'm a poet...)