Sunday, February 03, 2008

Moving and Accelerating

Well...I guess we're pretty much moved. Now, I've moved probably 12 or 13 times in the past 15 years but this has been the hardest move I think ever. WE OWN ENTIRELY TOO MANY ITEMS.

I keep getting reminded of that old George Carlin bit, where he talks about how your things are your "stuff" but other people's things are their "shit."

As in,

"D. I've got all my stuff packed up, when are you gonna move the rest of your shit out of the music room?"


" you REALLY need to take all those old magazines and shit?"
"YES, of course. I use that stuff to make my collages."

So basically, we've got a two-car garage filled with shit and stuff.

This move has also shattered the carefully-preserved illusion that I'm not old and crotchety and pitifully out of shape.

I had a dream the other night in which someone asked me what gave me the greatest joy in my life and I answered, "Food." I was immediately filled with shame and defiant pride. Because, many ways it's true. I love food. It makes me happy to think about, shop for, prepare, serve, and eat. I have to counter this love of food, however, with a love for exercise and moderation. And I have to work on the psychological reasons for the shame and self-loathing. That's pretty clear.

I had another dream a few nights before that one in which I was riding on a bus. I guess some of the other riders had been harassing the bus driver before I got on, because all of a sudden he stood up and screamed that he couldn't take it any more, lit himself on fire, and jumped out the back emergency exit. Everyone on the bus looked at each other in shock and then the thought dawned on me, "We're in a moving vehicle with no driver, we're accelerating at a rapid pace and OH MY GOD, we're headed towards a bridge!" In a split second I figured out that no one else was getting up to take over the controls so I felt myself jumping up and running towards the front of the bus.

Then I woke myself up.

How's THAT as a metaphor for my life? OH MY GOD, I'm in a driverless bus filled with freaked out and possibly antagonizing passengers and we're going faster and faster and if I don't take control of his unwieldy vehicle, we're all going to die.

Why on earth would I possibly have an issue with anxiety?


smoore said...

congrats on making it through the BIG MOVE! I know exactly what you're saying about having a garage full of shit and stuff...

Anonymous said...

So you just couldn't get yourself to strike the match, eh?

Stephanie said...

We dump a load of "stuff" onto the Salvation Army loading dock at least twice a year. I still can't figure out how it all creeps back to us though... There is always STUFF. J blames it on "Horizontal Surfaces." The amount of Horizontal Surface is directly proportional to the amount of Stuff.

Alannah said...

I think that's our problem, Stephanie. And then, of course, our STUFF gets put into vertical piles.