Why I Just Can't Open My Eyes Anymore

Headlines I've encountered today:

• "Prehistoric 'Mega' Shark Could Still Be Out There"
• "Game Encourages Girls to Create Their Own Bimbo"
• "China Says Tibet Monks Won't Be Punished For Spoiling Press Tour"
• "North Korea Test Fires Missiles"
  
• "Microwaved Baby's Dad Wants To Keep Her"
• "Runaway SUV Knocks Man Off His Toilet" - they really ARE the devil
• "Home Paternity Test Released"
• "Traveler: TSA Made Me Remove Nipple Rings" - THE OUTRAGE! (Okay, but you really should click on this link, if only to see Gloria Allred looking very concerned and seriously at the victim's bra)
• "Massive Ice Shelf On Verge of Breakup"
• "Bush Praises Baghdad Shiite Offensive"
  

AND THIS IS JUST IN THE PAST 24 HOURS!!!

I wonder where can I get me some of that antidepressant-tainted water? That's what we'll have in 10 years from now, no more Vitamin Water (how 00s)....instead it'll be Prozac Water. And we'll pay $20 for a plastic bottle of it.

I'm going to bed to have a good cry, do some stretches, and get up tomorrow to do this all over again.