Monday, March 30, 2009

Take a Deep Breath, Focus on The Lesson

Last Wednesday, on our way to an orthodontist appointment, I asked Stella what she wanted to do for her birthday the next day. She told me she wanted to spend the night at her friend's house - the friend who she seems to spend most of her time with lately. My gut instinct was to say no, it's a school night. She argued that I "never" let her do anything on a school night and that was all she wanted to do. So okay, fine, whatever. It's one night and it's a Thursday night. It's natural for a 14 year-old to pull away from her mother and spend her birthday elsewhere, right? Maybe?

The next day, Thursday, I took Stella and her friend out for a sushi dinner as her special birthday event then took the girls to the friend's house. The next day, Friday, they were to go back to the friend's house after school and then to see a band play and spend the night again. I don't like to let her go to the same place two nights in a row, but, as I was constantly reminded by them...this was her special day. However...Friday night Stella called to tell me that the plans had changed and could they go to yet ANOTHER friend's house instead that night because Friend A wasn't allowed to have her over after all. I thought it a little odd and because she knows I don't like to have her change plans on me like that, I said no, Friend A can spend the night at our house, but you're not going to Friend B's. "Okay," She said, "Well then we'll need a ride home." So I drive over in the torrential rain and pick up both girls. I ask Friend A why she can't have friends over. "Because I'm grounded." She said. "Oh? What for?" "For sassing back to my mom."

I thought it was a little odd that she was still allowed to go out, see a band, and spend the night at our house if she was grounded, but figured that was between her and her mother. Saturday morning her mother picked her up so early that I wasn't up and around yet. That day D. and I had planned to go to Little Rock because he had been booked to play a crawfish boil, we were going to try to see friends, and then the next day visit his grandparents.

Saturday night, as we're just leaving to go to our friends' house I get a call. It is Stella's boyfriend's mother. She called to ask if I had knew what had happened in the early hours of Friday morning. She then proceeded to tell me that apparently my daughter and Friend A snuck out of the house, were picked up by the boyfriend, who has his permit but not driver's license, in his parents' minivan, and drove around Fayetteville until they were discovered by the police at 4:00am in the high school parking lot.

I'll give you a minute to let that settle in.

Okay WHAT?!?! Sneaking out? "Stolen" car? Parking lot? Cops? FOUR M-F'ING AM???

This is the same daughter, mind you, on whom I'd just been bragging to my friends. "Oh, she's such a great kid. I really trust her...blahblahblah" I do not like to made a liar. Especially by my own child. And I do not like it when she, or her friends, lie to me.

So, needless to say, I had to drop everything and call all the other parents involved, not to mention my daughter who never told me anything and let me find out from someone else. That's what infuriates me the most; she didn't tell me herself.

I'm still reeling.

And I know, I know....we were all teenagers once and did similar things....and we're all productive, responsible, good adults now. That doesn't excuse or ameliorate her actions.

All the kids are grounded out the wazoo and we've got a kid/parent summit meeting planned for day after tomorrow. We'll get everyone in the same room and beat that dead horse until it can't lie or sneak out ever again.


I Know Right? said...

was she listening to Circle Jerks and runnin..."WILD IN THE STREETS?!?!" Ok ok i know...i did it as a youth, with my friend who swiped his moms car so we could go skate. But yeah, unexcusable. and had i got caught, I would have told my Mom myself. It can't be as if she THOUGHT you wouldn't find out. Understandable teen behaviour, but BAD CALL not telling you.

AMD said...

Oh geez, Alannah!