Monday, June 15, 2009

Hot Blooded

It's already painfully steamy and muggy every day. I'm not prepared for summer: mentally, physically, or emotionally. Things are not so smooth on the home front. Because I was always told, growing up, that I'm "too angry" or have "anger issues" or that my anger is "frightening" to others, I never know if I'm justified in my anger or not. I feel guilty for being angry and try to quash it and deny it. Because that's always effective, right? I am afraid to show anger until it builds up and becomes unavoidable. I wonder how things might have been if I'd been taught that anger is a natural and normal emotion, the same as sadness, curiosity, happiness, and love....or if I'd ever had proper counseling to work through my history and how it informs my present...instead of just bumbling around trying to fix myself in my 30s. And failing miserably. I just don't know.

All I really want to do is swim in a river and talk about True Blood. I couldn't make it through the first book in the Twilight series and teased Stella for liking something so cheesy and poorly-constructed and now look at me, hooked on the southern gothic, sleazy version of the forbidden-love vampire story. But...Alan Ball! Come on!


Steph said...

Anger is a great life preserver. It is also exhausting.

I tell my boys (all three) that it is totally fine to be angry. It's not okay to be mean. Write it out, run it out, paint it out, cry it out, punch it out (on some inanimate object!) just don't keep it inside... and try not to take it out on someone else or yourself :)

But yes, anger is normal. Not much would change if people didn't get angry about the way they don't want it.


I Know Right? said...

better you work on fixing yourself in your thirties than never at all no? I have the exact same issues.

Chris Bray said...

we started watching True Blood this weekend, about 2 episodes a night. It's really good!