Thursday, December 15, 2011

Age of Wonder

First of all, before I forget, you must all go here: This site has TONS of old photographs, from all over the world, in all subject matters. It's fascinating. I lost hours last night to this site.

Last week a young woman who I really only knew because her "friendship" had been recommended to me by a mutual friend on Facebook, accosted me at this mutual friend's house. She was adorably exuberant. "I read everything you write," She said, "And I have a total friend crush on you!" I know that feeling - it is as exciting as a romantic crush. I thought it was so sweet that a young woman in her early 20s would admire and like me so much.

I feel so grateful to have friends of all ages. One of my closest friends, Jude, is in her late 50s after all. It's so valuable to have perspectives and insights that range from idealistic and fresh to experienced and wise. And those perspectives are not attached to any certain ages. That's important to remember.

I am looking forward to developing a friendship with this sweet girl who is at least 12 years my junior. Her energy and enthusiasm are infectious. THANK GOD. Because I'm exhausted. All the time.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Workplace? More Like Jerkplace

Work has been...a lot of work lately.

The whole reason I made this blog private is because I had applied for another job and didn't want any potential bosses to read all my weird stories and confessions without first realizing how awesome and job-obsessed I can get.

My current job is getting very annoying. Lots of office politics bullshit. WHICH I HATE MORE THAN ANYTHING. It was office politics, in a way, that made my single worst career event (2003. If I haven't told this story yet it's because it's too awful and insane and long. But most of you have known me a while so you know it. One day I'll write about it...and it will be a screenplay or novel) possible. So yeah, I fucking hate office politics.

I was told that I'm not "approachable." WTF. And, mind you, this is coming from coworkers, not students. My students adore me. I bust my ass for them and it shows. People know when you go above and beyond for them. I hope.

So yeath. Not approachable. What this really means is that my boss doesn't think I'm friendly enough (TOWARDS HER). My sister, who put up with the worst kind of office politics - CORPORATE OFFICE POLITICS - for like 8 years so she really knows what she's talking about. Jessy told me to be super sickly sweet almost-fake friendly towards her, and everyone else if necessary. It's been really hard. Because I hate being fake. I'm the person who, if asked "How's it going?" nearly always answers, "It's going" in a flat tone because it seems most truthful. Gee...why would she ever think I'm unapproachable???

But I've been following my sister's advice and, of course, it's working like a charm. Playing the goddamn game. That's what you have to do to get anywhere in this world. Yuck.

Tomorrow the bigger office of Graduate and International Education is having a taco party and we were all told that our presence was mandatory. You heard me. I'm not allowed to work from 11:30 to 1 tomorrow because I have to eat tacos and play the goddamn game instead. Okay. Fine. If I'm going to play the goddamn game then I'm going to WIN THE GODDAMN GAME. Might as well, right? I'm going to win the taco party.

I made homemade cheese dip (bechamel sauce, grated Chihuaha AND cheddar cheeses, chili powder, pinch of cumin, garlic powder, can of Rotel), homemade key lime pie (hand-squeezed key limes thankyouverymuch), and will make fresh guacamole tomorrow at 10:30am because you can't win if you bring brown guacamole. Hell no.

If I don't report back with a gold medal of food, charm, and schmoozing then you'll know that I'm a loser.

Tuesday, December 06, 2011

Really Pushing It...

It's Monday night.  I have a big, full week ahead of me.  And yet I talked myself into (with help from the new Mister) going to hear this band play tonight.  SO WORTH IT.  How fun is it to go see a band that is talented and tight and young and fun and full of energy?  Plus it was a cold Monday night in a college town the week before final exams.  Hardly anyone was there.  I got told I looked like Charlize Theron and had wine bought for me.  So nice to be the older lady at the bar on Monday night.  I said I'd go from 10-12 and I did.  Then I drove home at midnight with snow blowing all around.  Magical.

Monday, December 05, 2011

How Is It December?

One of the big things I've been trying to remember is that our lives are really just a collection of experiences...and if I can create or arrange a good or unforgettable experience, then WHY THE HECK NOT?

A few months ago I'd just gotten paid.  Since now that I'm living on my own again money's tighter and I rarely have disposable income but I really wanted to provide an experience for Stella and me.  So I sprung the $100 for two tickets to see My Morning Jacket.  The concert is tomorrow night.  I had to really budget tightly the rest of the month in order to get those tickets but I'm so glad I did.  We really need a mom/daughter date.

Holiday season.  Wow.  Okay.  Here we go!

Feeling pretty good about it all, though.  2011 was full of transitions and learning.  So hopefully that means 2012 is about taking those lessons and applying them.  I'm ready to start laying the groundwork for some life changes...

Thank you for sticking with me through this.  I know only about 3 or 4 of you read this still.  I'll probably take the blog public again fairly soon.  But it's been nice to write freely or not write at all.  xoxoxo

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

You Guys...

He brings me kindling for my woodstove, flowers for my table, and so much good lovin'. 

And that's more than enough, right now. 

Thursday, November 03, 2011

Laying in Bed, Hitting "Refresh"

Why the hell am I not writing?  This is the longest dry spell I've had in years.  Before I had a blog I wrote regularly in a journal.  It was common for me to go weeks between writing, but rarely months.  But it has happened.

I feel fractured and spread too thin and realllllyyyyyy need a break from work.  But not a holiday break.  I don't need any pressure during time off.  I know I said the exact same thing in my last post.  It's still true. 

Oh, and I have something of a swain in my life.  A beau?  Lover?

It's sort of a Phase Two for us.  We had a weird, sudden, ill-timed mating dance (isn't that really all it ever is, after all?) eight years ago.  We were definitely drawn to each other, but also in fairly damaged emotional states (for different reasons).  Things ended before they really even started,  but with both of us knowing that there was a inexplicable but true connection between us that we just couldn't explore fully.  We'd never completely lost touch, although we'd drifted pretty far away.  Until a few weeks ago.  Okay, a few months ago.  Definitely after D.'s and my split although the dust hadn't completely cleared.

You could say the timing is better than eight years ago, but there are still plenty of complications.  Such as the physical distance of 60 miles.  Or our children, and their horrible adolescence.   My tender heart, still fractured and a little melancholic over the breakup.  And uhhhh, the twenty two year age difference.  Yes, I'm closer in age to Stella than to this man.  That's not really a complication though.  But I can't pretend it's not there.

And I'm enjoying every minute I spend with him. 

That's just it.  I feel so very comfortable and interested and alluring and stimulated and....happy whenever I'm with him.  I lay it all out there (you can take that metaphor as far or near as you'd like) and feel completely safe.  I take it you know how rare that is. 

I am afraid to write about it for obvious reasons.  On one hand it's still precious and personal and I'm not ready to share it with the world yet.  On another I am somewhat concerned that it's still too soon after the breakup and wouldn't want D. to be hurt upon learning of it.  On another I'm like "Fuck him!  He had plenty of time to save our relationship....or at least prevent its dissolution."  On yet another (I'm the goddess Parvati) I don't want to ruin the specialness of what we're experiencing with too much introspection.  It can happen!

So pretend you didn't read this. 

Thursday, October 20, 2011

Craving Peace & Solitude

Stella and I are in a bad place.  I wouldn't wish parenthood of teenagers on my worst enemy.  Wait - yes I would!  That would be a very satisfying schadenfreude. 

I need a vacation.  Or just time off work.  I am beyond burnt out.  But we're gearing up for a new term so the timing is all wrong. 

Back to work. 

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Glad This Blog Is Still Set To Private

I couldn't sleep last night.  So I was awake at 3:30am when the email came through that my friend's ex-husband had "taken his own life."

After the shock and initial sadness (he leaves behind three beautiful, sweet, sensitive kids who will most definitely be scarred by this) wore off, I slipped into a bizarre kind of emotional fog all day today.

Here's the deal - I don't think I'm all that sad that he's dead.  Wait, yes I am!  Who says such a thing?!  What I mean is...he was a real asshole to my friend but I think it was more a symptom of his mental illness.  But I don't think people can just go around treating each other with such specific cruelty as he did and blame it on mental illness.  I don't think he wanted to get well.  And THAT most certainly would have left horrible scars on his children.  So although they'll be scarred just because, at some point, they'll learn how their father the long run maybe they'll turn out better if they avoid the ongoing mind games and emotional torture he was putting their mother through.

Maybe this is more a treatise on our failure, as a society, to treat depression and mental illness than it is a lament that I can't muster up more sorrow that this sick man who was hurting my friend is now gone.  I really don't know what I feel.  I'm just bumbling along in this fog. 

I certainly understand those depths of depression.  I even understand wanting to check out.  But I'm always stopped from going too far down that black hole when I think of my daughter.  Would I want my mother to raise my daughter?  Um, hell no.  Would my daughter hate me forever, on some level, for leaving her alone?  I bet she would.  When we decide to have children we make that deal with the future - that deal where we try to make it better.  Raising damaged kids is no way to ensure a healthy future.

I don't think my friend's children will be horribly damaged in the long run.  Damaged? Perhaps...but aren't we all if you scratch the surface enough?  But she will surround them with so much unconditional love and support that they'll make it through.  I am very grateful to be part of a circle of very strong, supportive, loving mothers and girlfriends.  We'll gather 'round her and the kids and lift them up when she cannot.

Tomorrow night I'm making Thanksgiving dinner for 20 of my students.  Turkey thawing in the fridge...

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Instead of the Other 461 Things I Should Be Doing

I'm procrastinating.


I have a super duper important big 10-page report due Friday.  And it really needed to be to my boss today so she could look over it first.  But it wasn't.

But tonight a friend sent me a poem he'd written and I realized how long it'd been since I'd written something for ME.

And it's one of those of those nights where I'm feeling very wordy.  It's great when I'm writing this report that I should have sent to my boss yesterday but couldn't force myself to stay awake, focus, and WRITE.  It's 5:00am.  I've been up all night, mostly working on this report.  It's coming along.  But I'm taking lots of detours.  Detours spent on long emails (to the aforementioned poet, to old friends who come back into my life at the right time, to lost, confused, gorgeous younger gay guys whom I love like little brothers, to people who touch my life), on the luxury of thought, on conversation and reading. 

And always lurking is the frustration and self-hatred that just comes along with this intense level of procrastination.  WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF?  Don't I know how much EASIER my life would be if I did things earlier, if I made lists and crossed them off, if I forced myself to sit down and just WRITE THE DAMN REPORT, ALREADY.  Oh, the things I could accomplish if I didn't procrastinate and then hate myself for it....

This new house is going to be great for Stella and me.  It's small.  It's closer to everything (work, school, downtown, other people). It's much more ME.  That was something I wasn't prepared for when D. and I moved in together - that he would have a different aesthetic and want a different sort of home. He wanted the security and space of the suburbs.  I could never shake the feeling that it just wasn't ME. 

I'm 36 years old and have never owned a house.  I've cycled through different feelings about this. Sometimes I feel like I'm not a "real" grown-up because of it. But I'm mostly relieved not to have that responsibility hanging over me. I could give a rat's ass about equity or what having it or not having it says about me as a person.  I don't know if this is where I want to stay and I'm sure glad I won't have to factor in home ownership into my eventual decision to stay here or move on after Stella graduates. 

I hate that I abandoned this blog for so long.  A lot went on.  A lot that I'll probably never take the time to explain in detail. A chunk is missing from my reflective life!  I can't let that happen again, where I'm not writing anywhere. I guess I could cut and paste from emails and Facebook messages.  That would be stupid and confusing. I'll just have to accept that I failed and move on and not do it again.

It sure does feel good to be back.

Friday, September 16, 2011

The Summer That Changed Everything

I realize I haven't been around here since March. I wanted to lay low while I was being considered for a job that would've brought with it a fairly high profile, regionally speaking. But I DIDN'T get the job (thank god, in hindsight). And yet I still didn't write. Certainly not for lack of thinking. I've thought several novel's worth of emotional turmoil, plot twists, dramatic tension, exhausting dialogue, and overused tropes. I've thought it because I've lived it.

Back in February NW Arkansas was encrusted in a foothigh late snow, Egypt was struggling for freedom, and D. and I were on a perilous relationship tightrope. We bickered, slipped, lost footing, and to keep from tumbling we grabbed at each other, nearly pulling the other down in the process. The Banksy documentary played an unwitting role in one of the loudest, dumbest, ugliest arguments we'd ever had. But NO! I said - I know I've had a rotten attitude at times. I know I've brought it home. I know I shouldn't do that. I know my energy spreads to others. I don't want it to be this way. So I vowed to improve - anything in my power. I vowed to be more conscious. I vowed to bring more loving into our relationship.

I asked for nothing in return. My secret hope was that I would be right - that love begets love, that he'd be inspired to also make changes and be conscious. I secretly hoped that my deep love for him would transcend the bullshit we'd found ourselves waylaid in. And that we could just make it through the fucking summer!

Then something happened in early June that really tested the boundaries of my trust - my trust in him, trust in our methods for figuring things out. No, not THAT bad thing, but heartbreaking nonetheless. And I knew the tsunami of summer programs were gathering speed and power....just around the corner.

By the time I was in the middle of what would turn out to be the busiest, craziest, most professionally demanding summer ever, I had already started to understand that we....just didn't have what it takes to face all our challenges, use them to grow stronger, and, above all, love each other unconditionally.

There was also SO MUCH ELSE going on underneath, in between, and over to the side of this intentionally vague description. Things like (justified) teenage rage, tornado hitting too close to home, terminal cancer, inexplicable body ailments, fender benders, floods, bill collectors, lost dogs, the hottest summer on record, people we love in Syria and Libya, and a garden I refused to let die.

July 17 D. moved out, taking both dogs, Rocket the cat, and nearly all the furniture.

I had no choice but to call upon my friends, who should all be knighted in my imaginary empire. Within two days I had couches and chairs and a dining room table again. Whew.

Meanwhile the tsunami of the summer programs I oversee hit hard. 24 undergrads from Iraq (proud, whipsmart, demanding, high energy, awesome), 24 English teachers from Mexico & Vietnam (easy-going, rewarding, smart, fulfilling), 19 undergraduate women from Afghanistan (inspiring, strong, primitive, exhausting), 15 graduate students from nine countries (passionate, emotional, driven, needy), and finally 22 pre-service English teachers from Turkey (energetic, entitled, draining, young).

I put the last program on a plane last Friday. By Saturday, my shoulders ached constantly. I got a massage but it seemed to hurt more than ever. Monday the pain was so acute I stopped in at an urgent care clinic. The next day I got acupuncture. Nothing was alleviating the pain from the entire Summer From Hell. All signs point to Bulging Disc. It's now 2:43am on a Thursday night. Tomorrow will be yet another long day that I'm ill-prepared for. Not enough host families. I don't know when I'll ever truly be well-rested or satisfied with my personal life. But I'll keep trying! For all you readers who thought we had what it takes to make it work - I thought so too. I really did.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

deep cover

Well, if I'm to trust the privacy settings on this blog, then it's just a few of you and me.

FUCK!!! It feels great!

The Koch Brothers are assholes and guess what? THEY'RE the ones who "hate our freedom."

Republicans, FOX News, and a good amount of men hate women.

I wish I could publicly not give a shit and wear t-shirts that say, "I'm probably an atheist," "I had an abortion and don't regret it," "Choose Masturbation," "What can you learn from those with less than you?" or "Be Patient. We're all trying to figure it out in our own way."

I don't know.

So I had to go into hiding because I have a phone interview lined up for a job I think I want. And that's all I'm gonna say about that.

It's been a very challenging week. An icon in my town died in a fire. He was a fixture of "old Dickson Street." Before it became so horrifyingly gentrified. I learned that a friend has breast cancer. She's my age. It looks completely treatable right now...but I know how sneaky and insidious and ruthless cancer can be. It's the ultimate villain.

But I'm working on staying positive and staying present. When all else fails, I put on loud music and dance in my bedroom. The other night Stella joined me. Mother and daughter dorking it out together...oh man, it makes my heart swell. She sure is special. I just want her to be fulfilled, confident, courageous, healthy, and proud of herself. I'm not sure I encourage those traits in her enough because I don't do it enough with me.

Are we caught up? I know I've left out a lot.

Friday, February 25, 2011

You Don't Have To Tell Me

Look. I KNOW I've been away from here for a long time. I know that I should be writing more. I have a lot to say and unload, but I'm too picky. I am painstaking about these words that will linger around on the internet for as long as I allow them. And I've been busy as hell.

I've been gently chided by friends and family to write more and THEY'RE RIGHT. I can't even bear to look at my stats (previous source of far too much misguided validation) because I know I've lost momentum.

So, the past month in a nutshell:

We lost nearly a week to a thin layer of ice covered by snow. I cooked a ton of fattening foods and nearly broke up with D.

The resulting spiral of depression, anger, resentment, self-hatred, and shame led me to start anew. Nothing like starting with yourself, right? I decided to go vegan for a week, including no sugar, alcohol or caffeine.

Then we got over 25" of snow. Hosni Mubarok fell. I kept up my cleanse. Small improvements, all internal.

Back to work in a major way. Continued efforts.

In the next few days/weeks I hope to take all those fractured thoughts about politics, international current events, women's issues, my personal struggles, parenting, relationship work, and MOVIES and FOOD that have been knocking around in my skull and shape them into decent essays (blog posts) but, based on past behavior, don't hold your breath.

Here are some photos of the 2nd big snow:

The view out our front door
My car, the snow bank.
Do you see that?
Bigger dog Lucy had to forge a path first, then Django had space to run
Dog cul de sac
Dog run next to the house and the tops of my dead tomato plants
Little dog running through the snow, bigger than her, never failed to crack us up

Last night was the open house at the performing arts high school where D. teaches. His guitar classes opened the show and they rocked it! It makes me happy to see the pride he takes in his students' accomplishments.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

How I Spent My Snow Day

The best thing about living in the not-quite-Midwest, not-quite-the-South, anomalous Ozarks in the winter is Snow Days. There are few things in life better than waking up to a colorless, peaceful, white out and learning, snuggled under the warm covers, that your workplace is closed for the day. Unplanned holiday!

Here's I spent mine today:
  1. Wandered around the living room alone, drinking coffee and petting the animals.
  2. Warmed up leftover tortilla soup with crunchy tortilla strips, queso fresco, diced avocados, and chopped cilantro on top.
  3. Watched The Parallax View - very good, very 70s. Would make an excellent double feature with The Conversation (released the same year).
  4. Got beans soaking for tonight's chili.
  5. Pondered the state of things.
  6. Did 3/4 load of laundry.
  7. Started fire with snowy logs because I forgot to bring in firewood last night.
  8. Read the Oxford American from Winter 2006 and discovered the artist Wayne White with whom I'm now tragically obsessed. How did I miss out on him until now?
  9. Debated brownies (AND chili? Are you insane, you homebody fatso?)
  10. Made chai instead, steaming the milk and achieving that perfect, dense foam.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got a quarter load of laundry to finish and a few outstanding moves in Words With Friends.

Saturday, January 15, 2011


Saturday night. Home alone. When was the last time THAT happened? I actually love my time alone in my house, doing my thing. Always have. I spent a good portion of the day cleaning the LIVING DAYLIGHTS out of the kitchen and living room. Then I took a bath, used my favorite Lush soap (The Godmother), shaved my legs (!), then made a drink (vodka, ginger liqueur, grapefruit sparkling water, cranberry/pomegranate juice, squeeze of lemon) and listened to this song about twelve times in a row.

PS - Holiday weekend, y'all!

Friday, January 07, 2011

Recommitments, Not Resolutions

I've never really liked New Year's Resolutions. I feel like they set me up for failure. Plus, they're pretty much always the same. However, I do like the idea of having a fresh new year, especially after the overindulgences of the holidays, in which I can get back on track and steer myself back toward healthier patterns.

So, for what it's worth, here are my 2011 Recommitments:
  • Eat mostly plants and whole grains, using refined foods (primarily SUGAR), dairy, and meat sparingly.
  • Exercise at least 3x per week.
  • Walk the damn dogs.
  • Make quality time for my family and friends a priority over work.
  • Read. Read things printed on paper. Read only. Away from glowing screens.
  • Take a class or learn a new skill (tops on my list: knitting, dancing, pottery, Spanish language)
  • Focus on gratitude and the things that are going well.
  • Record my grandmother's stories.

I'm not superstitious about anything except for eating black-eyed peas on New Year's Day. I don't know why. But this year I didn't do it. I was feeling tired and crappy and even though I was offered some from a friend and all I had to do was go pick them up, I was feeling too run down to do even that. BUT, I did make some Wednesday night. I love Hoppin' John and vary my recipe every time I make it and this did not disappoint one bit. This time I included (in addition to of course onions, garlic, and spices) carrots, celery, red pepper, canned diced tomatoes, and turkey sausage.
I was inspired by how my Brazilian students prepare their greens for feijoada, sliced so very thin (I've watched students snip them with scissors, even) so that is how I cut my collards. Then I just wilted them in a pan with nothing but their own juices used to cook them. This resulted in a very light and flavorful side to the spicy, heavier bean dish.
And corn muffins. A switch for me who usually prepares skillet cornbread. Sometimes I like to do things differently, although I DID miss the crunchy, buttery crust you get from adding the corn batter to a hot, buttered skillet.
LOTS of hot sauce and chopped cilantro on top. This had better bring on the luck because 2010 was a colossally shitty year. There I go, focusing on the negative again. RECOMMIT TO GRATITUDE, Alannah. Geez.

Wednesday, January 05, 2011

Went By In The Blink Of An Eye

Hello! Wasn't it December 12 like yesterday? I'm not kidding. Our term didn't end until December 23 and I had two days to finalize shopping, wrap presents, and get ready to host our family's small Christmas day gathering. All the stress before the holiday does not seem relative to the length of time we spend together as a family, just enjoying each other's company. SOMETHING IS WRONG HERE, PEOPLE!

And then I had the week between Christmas and New Year off work which is heavenly, don't get me wrong...but I tend to overschedule myself for that week, trying to spend time with family and see friends who are in town PLUS try to do things for me that I can only do during that time (stay up all night doing meaningless arts & crafts projects, pruning my Netflix queue, falling down a YouTube hole and coming out three hours later and stuck in the 70s). It's all over way too quickly and I never feel like I got to do or see everything and everyone I wanted to, but I can't dwell in regret. (yet I do, oh how I do).

I did think to take pictures for much of it. So that's something.

Here is my beloved and adorable grandmother with my equally adorable but shit-stirring dog. I am already dwelling in regret over using the term "shit-stirring" in the same sentence as my lovely grandmother. We have Christmas costumes for all the pets now. WE ARE THOSE PEOPLE. Proudly.
Chicklet the reindeer would like you all to die.

Really. DIE.
I managed one picture before we opened the gifts Christmas morning, which is more like Christmas afternoon now that there aren't young kids in the family anymore. We are super lazy and take our time, drinking coffee with Bailey's, eating brunch (trout & pesto frittatas, roasted garlic rosemary potatoes), and talking.
Just pretend that this is our 2010 holiday card. Picture D., me, and the pets all in our costumes. It never happened. But can you imagine it?
We had friends over on Christmas evening. After a few ginger champagne cocktails it was time to torture the pets one last time. You know they really loved the attention.
If this picture were in better focus (damn those ginger champagne cocktails), this would make a great holiday card too. Hi Marty and Patrick!
Because I just haven't gotten enough Marty & Patrick these past few months (hey, I've got YEARS of neglect to make up for, never having visited them in North Carolina or Ohio), we also went to visit them in Kansas City after Christmas. Because I've already documented the Nelson Atkins Museum here and here, I didn't bother with photos inside.

Stella is definitely not my little girl anymore. This picture freaks me out, but I love it and she looks beautiful.
This is the main administration building for the Kansas City Art Institute, where Marty teaches.
Behind the Kemper Art Museum. I think it is part of the Kemper? Or maybe KCAI? Marty? Help!
This huge sculpture of Lenin's head with tiny Mao on top is part of a visiting exhibit by The Gao Brothers. I'm very glad we caught it in its last days.
These portraits are part of the exhibit.
Here is Stella looking at the big manipulated photo of China as a giant bee/person hive.
See? China as a hive.
And up close...there's PEOPLE in those hives.
Stella underneath the giant spider sculpture. This is part of her exposure therapy. I am making one this big to place over her bed for the final stage of her recovery.
Stella and Marty outside the KCAI sign. Such a pretty campus and a really beautiful day. No coats!
We waited in line for ONE HOUR to eat barbecue. Were we insane? Here's the line outside Oklahoma Joe's. It's attached to a gas station (instant street cred, man) but I must say...the wait was worth it! Mmmm, there are few things in life better than really good barbecue.
Post-Barbecue food comas at Marty & Patrick's. This is Parsnip and she is wonderful.
She just doesn't get any attention at all, poor thing.
Neither does this one. Cue the Sarah McLachlan!

Hello, world. My name is Simon and I will lick the heck out of some blinds cords (see behind me). And that's just the beginning of my eccentricities.

Tuesday, January 04, 2011

"...Like A Worm Getting Killed On The Way To The Top."

You know how people who live in those huge, beige, tacky McMansions often have words or phrases stenciled on their walls? Silly things like "Dreams Can Come True" or "In Vino Veritas" over the bar? Well...there are so many phrases from this interview with Udo Kier that I want stenciled on my walls. Things like:

Available. I like that word, available.

If you stay home with the candlelight and you read a book, Rilke, or whatever, or Sigmund Freud, it’s boring. But if you watch Udo Kier in a horror film and people are hunting me and trying to kill me, and there’s my love interest with big breasts and beautiful hair...that’s more interesting.

Let’s talk about Pamela Anderson please, now. I want to talk about Pamela Anderson!

I cannot answer you, because it’s totally unknown to me what you just asked me, and also very boring.

Friendship to me is, if my friends need my little finger to live, I’m going to have it cut off. I’m going to the hospital, they cut off my finger, and maybe I have a gold finger instead, and I become famous. But I still give it to my friend.

The Bible is wonderful. It’s only one book, but you can put two grams of coke on top of the Bible, and you first take a line of coke and then you open the Bible. Because then you understand.

But, you know, intellectual people, you don’t sue. It’s like a worm getting killed on the way to the top.

Also, PS - Christmas break photos and post coming soon. Lots of Stella and dogs in costumes!