Tuesday, January 08, 2013

January BLAH

Oy to the vey, y'all.  I really must apologize for going so long between posts....YET AGAIN.  I wonder if it would be easier for me to write more if I had an iPad...or newer laptop.  Of course not.  I don't need newer technology, though I like to think I would.  It's the same lie I tell myself when I say, "Oh I'm sure I would exercise more if I had a treadmill at home."  That's about the dumbest thing ever.  Every time I hear me tell myself that, I worry.  Especially because my favorite kind of exercise is the kind that gets me OUT of my house.  There is nothing better than being outside, breathing fresh air, noticing all the subtle changes in my neighborhood and local park. 

But this is January so writing about exercising is about as ubiquitous as it gets.  And if you want to know the truth, I was doing really well with exercising regularly (joined the old-people gym even...NEVER have to wait for machines - ever!) and eating super healthy and I lost weight and felt great about myself for the first time in months....and then THE DREADED F'ing HOLIDAYS reared their invincible heads.  So here I am again with rolls around my middle and eating muffins that lead to muffin tops. 

I have a ton of photos to upload and share but haven't gotten to it yet. 

Stella is GRADUATING in May.  So we've been in college application and scholarship application and paperwork hell.  It ain't close to being over either.  I have a whole post to write about my advice for parents of teenagers, and getting through the college selection process.  It starts with - raise a smart kid so you CAN select a college!  Just kidding.  Well, not really...

I love writing and I really love reading my friends' blogs so I'm happy to be back and I want to be more regular, I really do (please, brain...please stop going there.  I can't help myself...I'm about to make a Metamucil joke).  So that's as close to a January resolution as I'm gonna get. 

How are YOU?


Lori said...

HI! I'm so glad to see you! My life whole has upended, in every possible way. My oldest daughter was pregnant and 8 days before Grace was to be born, a knot got tied in the umbilical cord and the baby died, on Oct. 21. A couple of weeks after that my husband and I decided to end our marriage, so I also moved from NYC back to Austin. Let's see . . . what else. I guess that's it. Oh, and I got a terrifying stalker so I had to give up my blog and start over. OK, that's it. Hope you keep writing, I've missed you! Shocking that Stella is about to graduate. No way.

Alannah said...

Oh Lori, I can't believe we're having this conversation in the comments section....but I had to close the door to my office today when I read this and have a long, chest-heaving cry. Despite never having met them, I feel a kinship to your girls (and boy!), cousin-ish. I can't even fathom that level of grief and "there-is-no-god" rage and dark, empty heartbreak.

All I can think of to say is that I hope her little spirit and the significance of her namesake somehow make themselves known to her, and you, to let you know that this somehow wasn't her time and that she would have to come through in another way. Does that make any sense? Too ridiculously woo-woo? I hope not. I just believe that the love that created her can't die, it will just have to take a different form.

I think about my friend Patt, who passed away in June, a lot. I can't say I've felt her presence yet, but she comes into my thoughts a lot. I try to stop and recognize the visceral things her memory harkens - how she smelled like Patchouli lotion, the feel of the skin on her hands, her voice - and be grateful for so many strong memories.

So to lose someone like your daughter did, before you even have memories of your sweet girl, or they are only of the potential.....well fuck, I can't even begin to imagine.

Please let her know that I am holding her in thoughts and energy of love and compassion. That goes for you too, doubly so....SHIT. Also so so sorry to hear about you and M. We need to catch up w/ long emails. STALKER? I mean, wtf. Why is the internet so wonderful and horrifying how it connects and how it warps some people's reality in such a destructive way?

Stella and I are coming to Austin for Spring Break. We need a LONG dinner at Curra's.

I love you, Lori. "Just keep swimming..." xo xo xo xo

Lori said...

You're coming to Austin?! YES!!! We'll talk in person, I'm so so glad. I'll meet y'all anywhere, any time. And here's an email address for me that won't give away anything too public: lori.txny@gmail.com. That way we don't have to do the rest in comments. :)

I love you too, Alannah, and am so very glad you wrote this post so we could reconnect. You mean so much to me it's just startling that we haven't spent years together in person. xoxoxo

Stacy @ Stacyverb said...

Happy New Year, lady! Glad to see you. I hear you about making excuses for things. I'm trying to be better about catching myself doing that.

I Know Right? said...

So glad you are writing again. Seriously, your blog (when regular *insert metamucil joke here*) is one of my favorite reads! Its always witty too. I look forward to what lies ahead!

Anonymous said...

I'm so glad you're posting again. I feel like I've said that more than once. I can't believe your baby is going to graduate in May. HOLY FREAKING COW.

I, too, joined an old people's gym a couple months ago, and it's the best thing I did for myself. I prefer to exercise outdoors, but up here in the northeast, I can't use the weather as an excuse anymore for not going out. I love the people at my gym; they're just normal and friendly.

I stopped posting in my blog for reasons I can't get into here, but am hoping to start up again soon (after other... um... obligations... have been satisfied).

blossoming... growing... even in the dead of winter... (god, that's corny, but it's really how I feel)